Freedom Fighter!

I am a freedom fighter. A warrior poet. Whether you believe me or not, doesn't matter. I am what I am. Most will never know the things I've done. The work, both privately and for the government in various jobs will probably never be fully unraveled. Quite frankly, I don't care. Were I to die today, I go to the grave knowing I've worked hard. I put my best effort forward, for the benefit of others.

Critics, continue to criticize, when I'm gone I won't hear you. Maybe then I'll finally have peace. Truly my soul is tortured, and some so called friends who claim to love me, they add to this. They join in with the rest who instead of really trying to figure me out, learning who I really am, they look at the surface, then the insults are hurled.

I know I can't please everyone. I never even tried. I would be lying if I said continual criticism doesn't get to me though. Because it does. I'm human remember? At times the sounds of chatter, of slander and insult ring louder than those of praise, those of approval, those of acceptance. After a while, having heard so much of it most your life, it starts to take a toll.

Yes I'm down, sure it hurts. I have a child I never knew, and the way it looks sometimes, will never know. That's ok. I know I've done my best. My best wasn't always good enough, but truly, it was my best. Just like these words.

Straight from my heart, uncut, uncensored, this is how I write. It's mostly for me, but if you get something from it, then in this I am pleased. As much as it wears, the critics also serve to inspire. Because of them I continually seek to improve myself as a person and the work I do.

Due to denials, shame, and plain ole forgetfulness, much of the work I've done, mostly quietly and behind the scenes will never be known. Again, that's ok. What's not ok is the people who think they know everything who constantly judge me. Like I said in my gangsta rap video, "oh well." God knows me, all of me, and only God can judge me.

Looking back over my life, this much I know. I've fought for freedom. Have you? So if they get me, and yes they've tried. More than once actually. At least these words will tell some of the story.

"Old Soldiers Never Die, They Just Fade Away." -- Gen. Douglas MacArthur

Until then, I won't give up!